My Friends Call Me Molten "Two Suits" Boron


I now own two suits.

I don't possess two suits, but I own two suits. I possess one suit. The second suit is currently a bailment of which I am the bailor. Brooks Brothers is the bailee of said suit, on the understanding that they will return it to me on August 11th, with certain modifications having been made to it (shortening the sleeves, making a 1.5 inch cuff on the pants, etc).

Nonetheless, I now own two suits, where three hours ago I owned one. After having gotten the bum's rush out of first Macy's, then Brooks Brothers on Park Avenue, then Sak's Fifth Avenue, then Barney's, I finally got serviced by a salesperson at Brooks Brothers on Madison Avenue. The rushing of my bum was entirely justified at Barney's and Sak's; they literally had no suits for less than one thousand dollars, and their average suit cost more than two thousand dollars. I'm not sure what went on at the first Brooks Brothers, and Macy's just doesn't employ salespersons who care to make sales, apparently.

Anyhow, I now own a very nice, conservative grey pinstriped worsted wool suit. It's single-breasted, has two buttons, a low button stance, a single vent, and hand-stitched panels. It's a size 36, which I discovered is the smallest suit they make. I had to buy a rather more expensive suit than I was initially looking at because I apparently have freakishly narrow shoulders. They didn't have anything that worked off-the-rack, so I had to buy a suit from the fitted suit section. This means it's tapered, with a european fit that suits my form quite well.

It also cost more than the entire rest of my wardrobe combined. And that includes the suit I bought in February. The sticker price was $900, no sales, no discounts, and it leapt to nearly $1000 with tax.

This is quite a lot for me. I just spent more on one suit than I believe I've spent on food this entire year. Certainly more than I've spent on videos, books, video games, board games, and probably all of my other entertainments combined.

I am told that people can tell a nice suit from a cheap one. I am told that hiring partners at law firms can spot a cheap suit in an instant. I am told that the one thing one does not want to be at a law firm is the competent fellow who can get the job done, but who can't appear in court or be shown to clients because he dresses too shabbily. This is a recipe for getting overworked and underappreciated, toiling ceaselessly in the obscurity of the back office.

And yet: I can't, if I'm being honest, tell the difference between my $900 suit and something purchased off-the-rack at Men's Wearhouse for $200. Maybe this is something I'll pick up. Or maybe this was all a huge waste of money.

In any case, I now own two suits.


I'm sure with your line of work, this will not be the first time you buy a 1000 dollar suit. I can tell the difference between 75 dollar separates and a couple hundred dollar suit. I thought I was pushing it when I bought my last suit for 500 dollars. Then again, it will last me forever, as I only wear it to weddings and the occasional religious service.

EDIT: Will not be the LAST time you guy a 1000 dollar suit.


Thanks, Ted! I agree that there probably is a noticeable difference. My judgment is just being clouded, I think, by spending more on that suit than nearly anything else I own.

Also, it won't be the last time I GUY a 1000 dollar suit? Just what are you implying?

This leads me to propose a rule of thumb: Whenever one goes out of one's way to correct a typo in a post or comment, inevitably that correction will contain a new typo.

Damn! You caught me. At least name this new rule of thumb after me, so I can be remembered in the annals of time.

1000 dollars for a suit? Are you mad?! Think of all the things you could've bought for me with that money!

Ted: Excellent! I now proclaim it Ted's Law!

Kelsey: Piffle! And what would I have worn to my interviews? A suit sewn out of shojo manga?

wow 1000 dollars for a suit? thats a lot of money! i could have and two thirds purebred dogs with that! :-P

Heh...silly Sharpe girls. You know not what it takes to function in the real world. I spend nearly a thousand dollars a month to pay for my house. I'm sure your parents pay quite a bit more than that. You will realize soon enough that life isn't about In-n-out burgers and Nickle City!!

Ahem, i know perfectly well what the "real world" is like....i see it every tuesday night at 10 on MTV :-P

Actually we're currently shunning Nickel City cause they got rid of DDR. Now all my money goes to Spider-man and various other Marvel heroes.

As long as you're still patronizing In-n-Out the next time I visit, I will return home a happy man.

Awww, a little In-N-Out. How cute; they're trying to be just like a real fast-food restaurant.

Is that patronizing enough?

Speaking of Marvel heroes, at EIP I'm interviewing with the law firm that represents Stan Lee.

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This page contains a single entry by Zach published on August 2, 2006 8:39 PM.

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