Avocadro's Number


Suppose, for the sake of this post, that you are a just-ripened avocado. Being an avocado, it is your life's dream to be made into the tastiest dish possible, and then consumed. Being just-ripened, it is crucial that you be made into this dish as soon as possible, to avoid spoiling. What, then would you recommend that I, your owner, do with you, and how would I go about doing it? For the sake of this hypothetical, assume that you are an avocado with internet access and the ability to reply to posts in comment sections.


For a single avocado (as opposed to a plurality), I would advocate inclusion in a delicious burrito of the beans, olives, rice, corn, peppers, salsa and maybe some tofu variety.

Lacking ingredients for such a feast, I might seek simpler solutions such as spreading on whole-wheat toast and snarfing immediately. I've been told that toast with avocado and nutritional yeast is divine, but I've never tried it myself.

A tasty pannini-style sandwich -- some roasted red pepper, fresh spinach leaves, avocado, large mushrooms and a nice ciabatta roll or slice of some other crusty, tender loaf -- can't hurt either, but such a thing can be best prepared with a countertop grill or sandwich press and I'm unsure whether you have one.

This line of thinking is making me hungry, which is impressive given that I stuffed myself silly with homemade Thai coconut soup and then followed it with a huge wedge of pie and vanilla Soy Cream hardly an hour ago.

Mmmm, the Burrito Option sounds tasty. I don't have everything listed, but I believe I could find some substitutes.

I was once in the habit, and still sometimes am, of reading cookbooks while I eat. Usually this was while eating something not particularly thrilling, like canned soup. I could read recipes and imagine what they tasted like, aided by the stimulation from my taste buds. This worked pretty well, except that usually I emerged with a craving for the recipes I'd been reading.

Thai coconut soup? What all went into that? I have some coconut milk lying around, and it sounds tasty.

you need to make guacamole. or you can just mix the avocado with salsa if you have any and eat it with tortilla chips. be faithful to your socal roots!

Do you know what you've done? You've invented the culinary equivalent of watching porn while masturbating. You haven't quite got the high-quality satisfying product you might want, but you can at least use it as eye candy while you enjoy your quick, easy substitute.

I've been making huge batches of burritos along the lines I described, and freezing them for an entire week's worth of workday lunches, for a couple of months now without getting tired of it. They're delicious -- anything is delicious if you add enough olives and avocado, and I recommend brown rice and a sweet salsa, like peach & chipotle -- convenient, cheap, healthy, and they double as a stock of emergency oh-crap-what-do-I-do-for-dinner dinners. Best damn idea I've ever tried.

Conversations on this blog wind up in the gutter so fast! I should stop pretending to any higher aspirations and just make this into a porn blog. A legal porn blog! (Speaking of which, a search for the phrase "Legal Briefs" returns, near as I can tell, no porn sites, at least none before I got bored, which is about the first 100 hits. I've come to accept that the internet occasionally lets me down, but I never thought it would let me down in the area of weird specialty porn).

The burrito idea sounds very good; I think I'll pick up some tortillas and salsa tomorrow and put your plan into action.

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This page contains a single entry by Zach published on October 8, 2005 5:48 PM.

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