I've just made some delicious, saccharine-sweet chocolate-oatmeal macaroons. Or at least, I think I did. But clearly I can't have; I'm vegan, and therefore am anorexic. And no anorexic would eat a recipe that begins by calling on the cook to melt 1/2 cup of margarine and 1/2 cup soy milk with 2 cups of sugar. Obviously calorie deprivation has gotten to me; what's sitting in my fridge right now must clearly be some sort of zero-calorie rice cake snack. The brown color must come from carob, chocolate's evil twin brother.
In any case, here's the non-recipe for the high(low)-calorie desert I didn't just make:
Chocolate-Oatmeal Macaroons (Zero-Calorie Carob-flavored Rice Cake Snacks)
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup margarine (non-dairy)
1/2 cup soy milk
2 1/2 cups oatmeal
1 cup dried coconut
8 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
Start by mixing 2 cups of sugar with 1/2 cup of margarine and 1/2 cup of soy milk in a saucepan.
(a brief aside: I submit that it is impossible for a recipe that begins "Start by mixing 2 cups of sugar with 1/2 cup of margarine and 1/2 cup of soy milk," to turn out badly. Seriously, go to your kitchen and do it now. Then taste the sweet nectar that results. This is a solid foundation on which to build an empire!)
Heat the mixture to boiling, then remove from heat.
Meanwhilst, mix the oatmeal, the coconut, and the cocoa.
When the liquid mixture's off the heat, stir in the vanilla extract. Combine the wet and dry ingredients, stir, and let cool.
Assuming the mixture has cooled before you have eaten it all (not a particularly safe assumption to make), portion it off and put it in the refrigerator. You could put it on a pan like a cookie, I guess, but I found it easier and less messy to spoon it into a muffin pan in 12 roughly-equal portions. Cover it in plastic wrap or something similar to keep it from drying out in the fridge.
Voila! Delicious, high-fat, high-sugar vegan macaroons. Sadly, my calorie deprived mind is only capable of recalling the (clearly imaginary) delicious macaroon recipe, and I can't think of the actual recipe I must have used to make the rice cakes I no doubt made. You'll have to look elsewhere for a recipe for Zero-Calorie Carob-flavored Rice Cake Snacks.
Oh, nice blog. I'm going to be donning my pith helmet, grabbing my blunderbuss and hunting down that Fez game for the next few months until its release.
Anyway, your no-cal sugar-free hi-fibre no-pleasure-s&m-themed-cookies (which I shall be making this week, certainly) reminds me of my favourite biscuit recipe of all time. Here are the ingredients:
1 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1 cup desiccated coconut
1 cup sultanas (or chocolate chips)
1 cup oats (you can add more oats, if oats are what you like)
125g butter
2 tablespoons golden syrup or strong honey
1 teaspoons sodium bicarbonate
1-2 teaspoons boiling water
And look, there's a method:
Preheat the oven to 160 degrees (somewhere between 30 and 400 in Fahrenheit. A lower temperature than you would ordinarily use for baking stuff).
Mix all the dry ingredients except the sultanas.
In a saucepan, melt the butter and golden syrup.
When that's done, mix the baking soda and boiling water in a cup. 1 tablespoon of water will make a soft chewy biscuit, while 2 tablespoons will result in a crisp, crunchy bikkie.
Add the frothing soggy soda bicarb to the butter mix. It will froth up quite a bit! Read some poetry and assure it you will never leave. Add to the dry ingredients while it is still frothy and distracted.
Mix thoroughly to combine, then add the sultanas.
Eat the uncooked mush while it is still warm. You can save electricity that way, and the opportunity to eat something the size, consistency and temperature of your brain won't happen again any time soon.
Once you feel sick, shape the rest into balls and bake for 10 to 15 minutes, or until golden.
Ta da! Anzac biscuits.