Dearest Omnivores


While I greatly appreciate your concern for my health and well-being, I do not actually have any pressing need for your nutritional advice. When, for example, we are dining at a steakhouse as part of a (mandatory) firm event, and I surreptitiously ask the waiter if it would be possible to get a meat-free, dairy-free meal, it is not my subtle way of asking you to give me a lecture on the importance of protein in a healthy diet and the inability of the human body to absorb iron not contained in red meat.

Since we are on the subject, while I appreciate your love of red meat, could we, perhaps, have a lunch outing that isn't at a steakhouse? And while prix fixe menus are the height of haute couture, could we perhaps get a prix fixe menu that includes at least a vegetarian option, to say nothing of a vegan option? This is not to complain, mind you. I love that this summer has given me the opportunity to go to New York's fanciest, trendiest, priciest dining hot spots and order the not-on-the-menu plate of grilled vegetables. I have now eaten half a dozen of the finest plates of grilled vegetables that New York City's steakhouses have to offer. But, I don't know, how about some Lebanese? Or Indian? Or, if you're feeling really daring, Ethiopian?

I know we can work out our differences. All I ask is a little understanding and to not have to eat at another fucking steakhouse next week.

Z. Alexander Slorpe, Esquire.


I have not been reading your blog in quite some time. You may have noticed this.

I see now that this has been a grave mistake. While I may not have technically LOLed at this entry, I did at least snicker knowingly.


Quick update: Today I ate lunch with my partner mentor at a very nice greek restaurant that had a number of very tasty vegan items right on the menu, including entrees.

To compensate for this, tomorrow I am having dinner with the chairman of the firm. We're eating at the restaurant attached to the Museum of Modern Art. One might think, given that it caters to a bohemian clientelle, that the Museum of Modern Art's restaurant might entertain the possibility of people who don't eat meat. One would be mistaken.

The Museum of Modern Art targets the obscenely wealthy who use their appreciation of art as a status symbol. As such, the attached restaurant serves a prix fixe menu where one has a choice between veal and foie gras. Not only are the options all meaty, they're varieties of meat that even most omnivores get squeamish about.

"Good afternoon, sir. I trust you enjoyed the exhibition. Which variety of obscene cruelty would you like us to inflict upon an animal to enhance your dining experience?"

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This page contains a single entry by Zach published on July 18, 2007 11:47 PM.

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