In Soviet Russia, Blackacre Owns You!

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(Title stolen from my friend Courtney's away message)

Theoretically, I should be studying today for my Property Law final. Instead, however, I have decided to gamble on the coming of the inevitable Socialist revolution before then. What's the point of learning Property Law when the State owns everything?

In that spirit, I say "Come, Comrades! You've only twenty hours left to seize the means of production and abolish private property before I have to take this final!"

It's a tricky thing, this coming Socialist revolution. You don't want to leave a paper trail indicating any kind of support for the Bourgeois Capitalist property system. More to the point, you don't want a bunch of exams lying around on professors' hard drives discussing schemes of private ownership of property; your very knowledge of the system makes you objectively pro-Capitalist. That isn't the kind of thing you want the prosecutor waiving around at your public show trial, I'll tell you what. No, if you want to avoid the purge, it's best to get the Party Line straight well in advance and make sure you don't write anything deviationary. With that in mind, the only logical course of action (according to the only logic worth using, Revolutionary Socialist Logic) is to anticipate the coming revolution in my Property Law exam, regardless of whether it has occurred yet.

In that spirit, I offer a few model answers to past exam questions given by my Property Law professor. Note that these answers might not have gotten good grades, or even non-failing grades, if graded by my professor. I remain confident, however, that such answers will garner full marks once reviewed by the Committee on The Correction of Bourgeois Historical Falsehoods, and that I will receive my proper A+ distinction for them once the dialectic has progressed to its next stage.

True or False. For False answers, give a brief explanation.

1. A license is inherently and always revocable.

False. The very idea of a license is foreign to the Socialist state. Because there is no such thing as private property, the idea that an individual could control the use of a piece of land or other property through the grant of a license is unfathomable. All may use all property at all times, and they require no license to do soe.

2. O gives $1 million dollars to Columbia Law School, so long as Property is not taught in the first year. Columbia has a fee simple subject to a reversion in O.

False. Columbia has nothing. If O is attempting to influence Columbia's instruction through blackmarket transactions, it is the university's duty to report O as a subversive element to the appropriate Party Committee, or else they risk a purge of their entire institution for Right Deviationism.

I am fairly confident in my mastery of Marxist-Leninist Revolutionary Theory, and should be able to give an ideologically correct answer to any question posed. There is no need to wish me luck; the socialist revolution is a historical certainty proved by the revolutionary logic of the dialectic. I only hope it will come in the next 20 hours.

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This goes well with the article summary I'm currently writing, on the Italian Communist party's edging out the Catholic Church's monopoly on community festivals. The point of the article is essentially that by putting on bigger and better-attended festivals the Party has made itself appear the dominant (but popularly dominant) organizational force in the community, and that's the kind of appearance that's likely to turn into reality as people associate community inclusion with the Party and join it to cement their place in the community. Brilliant move. I intend to share this information with the Committee for Long-Term Political Strategy at the earliest opportunity (since, obviously the information should belong to everyone).

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This page contains a single entry by Zach published on May 11, 2006 2:27 PM.

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