Chains of Love


Something Positive is currently running ads for Twisted Links, a custom chain mail clothing manufacturer. My guess is that this is for people who are about five notches more into fantasy than I am. A few interesting things about the page:

I note on the front page at the top that you can get your chain mail in a variety of colors, including "various colors of the Neon Spectrum." I had absolutely no desire to own a chainmail garment until I discovered that I could get a cowl in the same color as my highliter. This puts me in the mind of Risk and other war games in which your armies are depicted as brightly colored plastic figurines.

From the bottom of the main page: "Custom Items are available upon request. Prices will vary accordingly. Custom items include, but are not limited to: Earrings, Anklets, Finger Rings, Inlaid Designs, Belts, and Fetish Gear." Fetish Gear seems like a pretty broad category. In fact, it's quite conceivable that every item on the site could be called fetish gear. Nonetheless, I have to wonder if here it means something even beyond what else is on the site, which both frightens me and arouses my curiosity.

Most interesting: For the Ladies, chainmail bikinis, consisting of bra + G-string. First, ouch! I've come to a cautious co-existence with the thong; I've heard the claims that they're more comfortable than standard underpants and though I'm skeptical I'm willing to grant the benefit of the doubt. But if this G-string is, as I suspect, metal links up your butt, I'm afraid I must protest. At long last, have you no sense of decency?

I'll add, though, that if you look at the pricing you can save a lot of money by being small of chest. In fact, if you're an A-cup and willing to go with a large gauge and forgo the pleasure of a chain-link g-string, you can have your own chain mail bra for $10. I have to wonder about the support, though, and whether it might be pretty obvious under shirts (though I suspect it's not meant to be worn under clothing). Still, at that price, even I'm thinking about it. And I could get it in neon yellow, too...

UPDATE: I just noticed the Chainmail Necktie. Now I really want one for On Campus Interview season next fall...


Well, if you're an A-cup you really don't need any support to begin with. So, unfortunately for the fantasy world and its love of busty women, the chainmail bra is probably at its most practical in small cup sizes. Then again, while I'm no great judge of this, it appears to be holding things in nicely on the model and she's probably at least a B. So maybe as long as you don't go so large as to be prohibitively expensive, it's okay?

Whatever my other comments might have been, I've been distracted from them by the really astounding cutting scars on that model's left arm. Barring the possibility that they're actually injuries sustained in putting on tight chainmail wristbands (which I think they're not), that's quite a habit. Wow.

Would you wear the chainmail tie with a regular conservative interview suit? Or go all medieval-Matrixy like the fellow in the picture with his black suit and dark glasses?

Curse my lack of proofreading. I meant prohibitively heavy, not prohibitively expensive. In 40DD that thing would weigh as much as I do (insert joke about my breast-supporting qualities here).

It's interesting; I initially was operating under the assumption that it was a man making this clothing, and was prepared to make snarky remarks about the sexism involved in "for the ladies" meaning Boris Vallejo-style chainmail undergarb. But then I noticed that the AIM name on the front page is LadyLockeout, which raises the possibility that the proprietor of the business is a woman. Given that the same woman is modelling nearly all of the clothing, I wonder if the model is, in fact, the armorer herself.

If so, it seems quite plausible that the scars on the left arm come from the armoring process; I'd imagine that forging chain mail requires a lot of heat and hammering and such, and if her right hand is her hammering hand her left hand is probably her manipulating-the-metal hand, which probably means the left arm gets burnt a lot. Notice the scars are only on her left arm below the elbow, and not on her right arm at all. On the other hand, they don't really look like burn scars, and they seem to be all around the circumfrence of the arm, rather than just on the forearm, which is where I'd expect the burns to happen.

Oh, I figured out what some of the fetish wear is. That's actually pretty interesting; I'm not rushing out to buy one, but I can see the practical use of chain shackles in sex. Particularly if you want to create a whole Princess Leia/Jabba the Hutt tableau.

Tie-wise, my plan would be to wear it as a regular tie with my suit. Considering that I've been told by several career counselors that the New York law firm world is so conservative that ties displaying such brazen patterns as diagonal stripes and houndstooth are considered a bit too risque, I can't imagine a chainmail tie would land me many call-back interviews. And at this stage, I'm not sure that would be a bad thing.

So, anything on the chainmail site you'd be interested in?

That collar/cuff/chain thing isn't the only item in the fetish category -- there's also this, for which I had to look at the image title to figure out what it was. But I don't think it would be very practical. It appears to be made out of split rings, and having made some split-ring jewelry myself I can say that the damn things have an amazing knack for working their way back apart at inconvenient times.

Speaking of which, if she's using split rings (which the closeups in the color chart seem to suggest), there's probably no heat or hammering involved at all. Open ring with ring pliers, loop around other rings, close with pliers again. She could be making her own rings, which would be impressive and save on ordering costs, but I'm still not sure heat and hammering would be involved.

While I do have a history of fantasy geekdom, I've never really been that interested in the chainmail aesthetic. Jewels and silks, fine, leather and studs, even better, but chainmail not so much. The battle bears are pretty hysterical, though.

Oh, you're right, they are split rings. And, of course, if she were forging the chain mail it would probably be as easy or easier to forge other, more solid pieces of armor, breastplates, helmets, and the like, and their absence from the site is thus telling. That makes me sad; I had an image of the armorer hammering away in a forge constructed in the garage. I suppose it would be too much to expect full-on blacksmithed chainmail these days.

Huh. Earlier this week Something Positive was running ads for an internet clothier whose principal selling point was that they sold made-to-order cloaks. I've lost the URL, though. I find it kind of odd that Something Positive has become the web comic of choice for sellers of garments that are at the far end of the geek spectrum; S*P has been somewhat nasty to those groups in the past. But I suppose any publicity is good publicity, to a certain extent.

Greetings -

If you ever have any questions, just ask. ;)

Yes, I am a woman, yes, I run the business, and yes, that is me in the bikini. (most g-strings are made with ribbon, not chain, for the straps)

I found your site while googling for my name, on a curiousity kick. Thanks for the nod. I appreciate it. :)

In response to some other comments:

chain maille requires no heat or hammering whatsoever, only a drill (to make rings) cutters, saws, pliers, and imagination. The scars are not burn marks, I am also a fetish model.

the flogger is not jewelry, it is a cat o' nine tails made out of chain. it is a novelty item only, not intended for use, is only sold to individuals over the age of 18, and comes with a statement that must be signed by the buyer that they have been appraised of all dangers of such an item.

Ties are quite popular.

My rings are not split (split rings are what you see on keychains), they are butted.

I think that's about it.


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This page contains a single entry by Zach published on April 9, 2006 1:27 AM.

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