Operation: Cookie Has Been Compromised

The Scene: My apartment. 1 AM. My roommate is spending the night at his girlfriend's. All of the lights are out. I am lying on my bed, snug under the covers, having just fallen asleep.


ME: What the...!?

I throw off the covers and cross the room to my door, tripping over my laptop bag in the process. I turn on the light in the hall.

ME: (Trepidatiously) Who's there?


I make my way to the front door. I peer through the spyhole. Nothing. I wait a few minutes longer. I know I heard something, but there doesn't seem to be anything out there. I lock the second lock and secure the deadbolt, just in case. I decide to head to bed, but head to the bathroom first. While conducting my business I hear movement in the hall of the building, then a door closing. I finish and walk back to the front door. Out the window I see my nextdoor neighbor looking at my door. She hestitates, then rings the doorbell.


I quickly remove the deadbolt, unlock the lock, and throw open the door, attempting to muster all the dignity I can while standing in snowflake boxer shorts.

NEIGHBOR: (In a commanding tone) Alright, turn it off.

ME: Turn what off?

NEIGHBOR: Turn off your television. It is 1 in the morning.

ME: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I was asleep when I heard a loud knocking and came over to see what it was. My television hasn't been on for hours, see?

I open the door wider to show her the darkened living room and dormant television.

NEIGHBOR: (Uncertainly) Well... I heard SOMEONE'S TV.

ME: Well, it isn't mine!


I suppose this is all the more reason to try to make peace with the neighbor, but it's becoming really hard to want to be nice to her.

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This page contains a single entry by Zach published on January 24, 2007 1:32 PM.

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