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January 24, 2007
Operation: Cookie Has Been Compromised
The Scene: My apartment. 1 AM. My roommate is spending the night at his girlfriend’s. All of the lights are out. I am lying on my bed, snug under the covers, having just fallen asleep.
*BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!*
ME: What the…!?
I throw off the covers and cross the room to my door, tripping over my laptop bag in the process. I turn on the light in the hall.
ME: (Trepidatiously) Who’s there?
(Silence)
I make my way to the front door. I peer through the spyhole. Nothing. I wait a few minutes longer. I know I heard something, but there doesn’t seem to be anything out there. I lock the second lock and secure the deadbolt, just in case. I decide to head to bed, but head to the bathroom first. While conducting my business I hear movement in the hall of the building, then a door closing. I finish and walk back to the front door. Out the window I see my nextdoor neighbor looking at my door. She hestitates, then rings the doorbell.
*DING DONG!*
I quickly remove the deadbolt, unlock the lock, and throw open the door, attempting to muster all the dignity I can while standing in snowflake boxer shorts.
NEIGHBOR: (In a commanding tone) Alright, turn it off.
ME: Turn what off?
NEIGHBOR: Turn off your television. It is 1 in the morning.
ME: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I was asleep when I heard a loud knocking and came over to see what it was. My television hasn’t been on for hours, see?
I open the door wider to show her the darkened living room and dormant television.
NEIGHBOR: (Uncertainly) Well… I heard SOMEONE’S TV.
ME: Well, it isn’t mine!
*SLAM!*
I suppose this is all the more reason to try to make peace with the neighbor, but it’s becoming really hard to want to be nice to her.
Posted by Zach at January 24, 2007 01:32 PM